Jim Kirk Doesn't Know Squat
by Goregasmic
Summary: The 5 things he doesn't know he wants to know, and the one thing he wants to know he doesn't know. Various pairings inside.


It's been a while since I've written anything, so I apologize for being a bit rusty. Mentions of various **slash** and **femmeslash **so consider yourself warned.

I own neither the characters nor the universe in which they reside.

* * *

Jim Kirk Doesn't Know Squat.

or

5 Things James Kirk Didn't Know He Didn't Know, and The One Thing He Knew All Along

I  
When the peace-keeping mission with the humanoid aliens went without a hitch, a ceremony was held to promote ongoing peace and goodwill on both sides. After consuming vast amounts of the fizzy lavender liquid that tasted vaguely like steamed gym socks, but had the same effects as Whiskey, Cap'n Jim - as he insisted the crew call him that night - was feeling rambunctious. And thoroughly smashed. So it came as no surprise to the on looking members of Starfleet as Cap'n Jim grabbed "Faerst Ovisar Sparck" and dragged him away from the Too-Friendly High Priestess for a quick dance. It _did_, however, surprise the crew of the Enterprise when their Captain grabbed Spock's hand and proceeded to twirl himself, while lecturing the Vulcan on the proper way to dance, and that, no, standing there like a statue was not how it was done. So as James clutched his First Officer's hand and held it raised above his head while continuing to twirl, the Vulcan's face obtained a minty green tint. When the inebriated captain took notice, he abruptly stopped mid-spin, and held his free hand up to Spock's forehead. No, Spock did not have a fever, and, _no Captain_, he was not coming down with some Vulcan flu. Cap'n Jim's hold on Spock's hand tightened as he grasped it now in both hands, vowing to Spock that he would find the cure to this deadly new illness. And promptly passed out.

II  
Once upon a time, Bones was married to his beautiful, high-school sweetheart... Ok, more like a batshit crazy cheating, lieing, _whore_ he met in a bar, but nonetheless he _was_ married to her. Bones had a kid with her, a cute little girl. So Jim thought nothing of it when he walked into engineering, looking for Scotty of course, and Bones was there with him. They'd taken a liking to each other; they had quite a few things in common. He'd dismissed the rather rumpled clothing of the Doctor, because really, when weren't the Doctor's feathers a bit ruffled? And, yeah, so Scotty's face was a bit red, but it was kind of hot down in the bowels of the Enterprise. So maybe it _was_ a bit weird that Bones looked a bit guilty, but Jim would later chalk it up to the Doctor abandoning his post as CMO. The Captain would wave it off. He'd gotten his business with Scotty over with, threw a light-hearted joke to Bones - who'd stuck around - and made his way back to the Bridge. He _almost_ heard Bones' angry whisper of _'Wait till he's out the frickin' door!' _But with all the hustle and bustle of engineering, it was hard to be sure.

III  
After a simple delivery to a densely wooded planet went horribly awry, James T. had landed himself in the medbay. He'd managed to tune out a lecturing Bones like he'd done so many times before - really, it was nothing new. The good doctor had refused to work on him, because _you won't learn anything until you're dead. _McCoy had stomped off, muttering of drinks, Scotts, and blueprints of Jeffries Tubes. Jim shrugged. The pretty little nurse, you know, the one with the blonde curls and the great rack? Yeah, she'd walked in, shaking her head with a _boys will be boys_ attitude. It didn't shock Jim when he heard the recognisable voice of his Communications Officer come from the nurse's comm. unit. The message, however, did.  
"Nurse Chapel, your assistance is greatly needed. It appears as though I've fallen ill, and have been confined to my quarters..."  
Uhura trailed off into a coughing fit, though it would sound suspiciously like giggles to anyone else. Nurse Chapel - yes, that was it; Bones talked about her sometimes - looked thrown off, but quickly regained her composure. She cleared her throat before replying; Of course, she'd be there right away. She blushed and apologized to the Captain before quickly giving him a hypo and telling him to get some rest. Jim flopped onto the biobed. He hoped whatever his lieutenant had come down with was nothing serious.

IV  
To the rest of the Bridge crew, it was rather obvious, but Jim - being Jim... - was oblivious. He didn't notice the shy glances Chekov shot at Sulu, didn't see how the helmsman's smile was so much brighter when aimed at the navigator, didn't find it weird that you almost never saw one without the other nearby. The two were friends and there was nothing more to it. He and Bones did things together... Well, not really. But they could! They went to bars and stuff. And. Uh. They hung out in the medbay! Mind you that was only because Bones would drag him there to shoot him full of hypos... But hey, everybody showed affection in their own way. Bones just happened to do it rather violently. Speaking of violence, he'd have to ask Scotty where he got the bruises on his wrists.  
So, Jim Kirk was not curious of the relationship between Chekov and Sulu. Not when they ate lunch alone, not when Chekov took up botany and fencing, or when Sulu began to drink Vodka and read books on Physics, and certainly not when Chekov would arrive to his shift with a limp. He missed Sulu's smirk every time.

V  
James T. Kirk had never felt loved, and had never felt love. He just wanted to be friends with Spock. It was natural to lose track of time, especially when you were having fun, right? Some people would say that 3 hours of playing chess was not fun, but Jim would have to disagree. It _was_ fun. It was fun because it was with Spock. His deadpan replies to jokes Kirk made, jokes because of the smirk that was almost there, always made Jim's day. The glances he shared with his First Officer on duty spoke words neither could work into conversation, but Jim wasn't sure what either of them were saying. It perplexed him to say the least. The subject had come up one night, when he sat in Bones' room, a bottle of Whiskey passing between the two of them. Bones had laughed, told Jim he was an ignorant boob, and the topic was never brought up again. Jim just... He just wanted a friend that wouldn't sneak up on him and stab him in the neck. Spock could be that friend. Jim didn't know the feeling in his stomach was longing.

0  
To say James T. Kirk was shocked was an understatement. He was flabbergasted. Baffled. The day had been normal enough, and he thought nothing of it when Spock asked to accompany the Captain to his room, for presumably a game of chess. Or 20. Jim was happy to see the Vulcan coming out of shell, voicing his desires - Jim ignored the shiver that slid down his spine at the word - and being more open around him. As they entered the lavish Captain's Quarters, Jim flung off his shirt and was about to tell Spock to set up while he took a quick shower, but never got the chance. Any words he had on the tip of his tongue died on Spock's. The kiss was unexpected but not unwelcome. When Spock broke the kiss - there was that green again! - his voice was even and his breath unwavering, even as Jim gasped in air desperately. _'I believe I am in love with you, Captain.' _Jim said nothing for a long time. His face was blank, and he barely breathed. Spock stood expectantly, as expectantly as a Vulcan can be, and waited patiently for Jim to reply with _'I know.' _Because somehow, he did.

And as he woke up the next morning thoroughly ravished, he made a note to himself to make Spock blush more often - it was entirely too cute -, to wish Bones better luck with this marriage than his last - even if Bones would kick his ass -, to ask Uhura if this was why she'd rejected his advances - there had to have been a good reason -, to make sure Sulu was being careful with Chekov - he _is_ just a kid -, and to tell Spock that he loves him. Because now, he knows he does.


End file.
